Grrrrrrrrrrrrrreat... I don't know whether J is going through a rough spot with her family, a rough spot with the journal, a rough spot with me, or all 3. I just had a pretty distressing conversation with her and it's not putting my mind at ease. Normally she'd jump at the chance to come visit me but not only did she say that she can't come this week but she doesn't want me going over there either. I hope it's just all the work she has to catch up on, but I've offered to help and she's said nothing. I can understand if she's still pissed about that thing from Sunday, but it seemed like she was over it and I don't know how much more I can apologize. She was ok yesterday morning, but last night she was just distant. So inconsistent with the way things have been going recently... I just hope things go back to normal by Friday. She deserves the best on her birthday and I want to be there with her.

I don't know how I could have fucked up in the relationship this early. Whether or not I did anything wrong, I'm gonna get blamed for this simply cuz by "The Rules" it's always the guy's fault in the relationship. So I'm gonna get pistol-whipped by basically all our mutual friends. Erg..... I wish I had more experience dealing with this kind of stuff. It's so different now that J is no longer just my friend but also my girlfriend. It's like I have to walk on eggshells again, and reestablish the comfort zone we had when we were just good friends. J can take care of herself, but I don't think I'm helping the situation at all... I feel powerless, useless, obtuse, and a little bit repulsive even to myself.

Well if she doesn't talk to me, there's really not much I can do... I hope this is just me over-reacting. I've never been with a girl that I care about as much as J. I'm madly in love with her and I pray she still feels the same way about me.